Every religious tradition works through death with its own rites, but few do so with such precise timing as Judaism. Jewish mourning is organised in successive phases, each with its own rules and gestures, accompanying those left behind from the moment of death until the anniversary. It is a very clear example of how a rite of passage also concerns the living.
Before burial: aninut
The period from death to burial is called aninut. In this phase close relatives, called onen, are exempt from many positive religious obligations, because all their attention must go to caring for the deceased and organising the funeral. Tradition recommends that burial take place as soon as possible.
The body is washed and prepared by members of the community gathered in a brotherhood called the chevra kadisha, the "holy society", and wrapped in simple white shrouds. The simplicity is meant to express the equality of all before death.
Keriah: tearing the garment
One of the oldest gestures is keriah, the tearing of a piece of one's garment. In the Bible, Jacob and David tear their clothes on hearing of a death. In traditional practice the tear is made for the seven closest relatives: father, mother, son, daughter, brother, sister, spouse. For parents the tear is made on the left, on the side of the heart.
Shiva: the seven days
After burial begins shiva, a word meaning "seven". For seven days the family stays at home, usually in the home of the deceased, and receives visitors. The most widespread customs are:
- sitting on low chairs or on the floor, a sign of being brought low;
- not working and suspending ordinary activities;
- not wearing leather shoes and not attending to outward appearance;
- covering mirrors, according to a very widespread custom;
- lighting a candle that burns throughout the week.
The first meal after the funeral, called seudat havra'ah, "meal of consolation", is prepared by neighbours or friends. Traditionally it includes hard-boiled eggs or lentils, round foods recalling the cycle of life.
During shiva the community gathers in the house for daily prayers, so that the relatives can recite Kaddish. Visitors, by custom, wait for the mourner to speak first. The Sabbath interrupts the public signs of mourning.
Sheloshim: the thirty days
The second phase is called sheloshim, "thirty", and covers the thirty days from burial. The mourner returns to work and many activities, but some restrictions remain: for example, parties and celebrations are avoided, and by tradition one does not cut one's hair.
For most relatives formal mourning ends here. For a father or mother, however, it continues.
The year of Kaddish
For the death of a parent mourning extends to a year. The son recites Kaddish in the synagogue for eleven months. Kaddish is an Aramaic prayer that, curiously, does not speak of death: it is a praise of God's holiness. Reciting it before the community means affirming faith at the moment of loss.
The custom of stopping at eleven months rather than twelve has a traditional explanation: it avoids implying that the parent needs a full year of prayers, as though they had been a particularly guilty person.
Yahrzeit and the headstone
Every year, on the anniversary of the death according to the Jewish calendar, yahrzeit is observed: a candle that burns for twenty-four hours is lit and Kaddish is recited. In many communities the headstone is set or unveiled with a short ceremony within the first year. Those who visit a grave often leave a small stone on it, a sign of remembrance.
A gradual passage
| Phase | Duration | Character |
|---|---|---|
| Aninut | From death to burial | Care for the deceased, exemptions |
| Shiva | Seven days | Withdrawal at home, visits, communal prayer |
| Sheloshim | Thirty days | Partial return to life |
| Year of Kaddish | Eleven months, for a parent | Daily prayer |
| Yahrzeit | Each anniversary | Permanent remembrance |
The restrictions loosen gradually: the mourner is led out of mourning one step at a time, supported by the community. It is van Gennep's pattern applied not to the deceased but to those who remain.
In short
- Jewish mourning is organised in successive and precise time phases.
- Keriah, the tearing of the garment, is one of the oldest gestures of grief.
- Shiva lasts seven days, spent at home receiving visitors and praying with the community.
- The thirty days of sheloshim and the year of Kaddish lead gradually back to ordinary life.
- Yahrzeit renews the memory of the deceased every year.
